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Santa Claus is actually a Russian-Jew trying to undermine capitalism via free gifts made with organized collective labor, our modern interpretation of buying gifts is a severe bastardization of the original intent.

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Me, eating cherry tomatoes: Oh boy I sure do like them cherry tomatoes. Why haven't I bought these for several weeks?
Me, suddenly remembering that the last batch I got went bad and looked kinda disgusting, turning me off from cherry tomatoes for a while: Ooooh.

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jemus42 boosted
jemus42 boosted

"socialism is when the government does things"

- Karl Marx

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I still get nightmares about the federated timeline.

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Remember Detective Pikachu? This is him now. Feel old yet?

Hm, my electronized (via nativefier) version of @pinafore doesn't seem so want to do notifications. Anyone got it working or knows what I'm missing? I made sure I updated to the latest version (0.11)

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I had a big mood once

*takes long drag from a cigarette, stares off at the harbor*

Until I lost it in ‘Nam

I'm so confused by my timeline today. Thefuck is happening to you.

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I'm watching the Nerd City video on DaddyOFive and for all that is holy, please… please just don't.

That was a corner of the internet I really did not want to be made aware of, and I've heard of all the gore shit and whatnot, but this one… come on man.

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jemus42 boosted

Chicken facts:

-Chickens are the only species of bird that can fly upside-down; they just can't go very far

-Chickens are among the smartest birds by average intelligence, but among the dumbest by median

-The Chicken's preferred swimming style is the backstroke. The average Chicken could defeat any human at the 100m backstroke

-Chickens aren't descended from dinosaurs -- they *are* dinosaurs.

-To give you a sense of their size, here is a chicken pictured next to a slightly larger chicken:

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Tired: Eye of the Tiger
Wired: Tie of the Eiger

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jemus42 boosted

what if frankenstein's monster went to school and got a doctorate. what the fuck then

I thought my misanthropy.wang was a sufficiently funny domain, but now I think beef.nipple.solutions takes the take. You win, @babe@glitterkitten.co.uk

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misanthropy.wang

Because domains are cheap and people are bastards.